The floor is moving. The moment we feel stable things get shaken up, or move, or change. It is like walking on logs that are rolling and floating on an endless river. You do not know which log will remain stable, or which one will roll over and dunk you in the river.
Chaos in our lives feels like rolling logs and the fear of not knowing which one will hold you or not as you try and cross the river to the other side. On the other side of the river you see your destination. It seems clear and once you are there all will be well. You will have arrived at a great place.
But as you cross the river and fall in your focus is on the struggle to get back onto one of the floating logs. The water is freezing and if we stay in it too long it will paralyze us, and we will not have the strength to get back onto one of the logs. We will be lost for ever down the cold flowing river, forgotten about.
If we fall off too many times the cold water becomes our friend. We are so used to it that it becomes part of who we are. There is almost a comfort in the cold water, a weird kind of comfort in rendering our selves helpless and hopeless. A temporary comfort where we surrender to the outside world and can fight no more.
As we sink further into the freezing water we stop feeling anything at all. In the darkness we realise that there is nothing to fear. We have surrendered to the very thing we feared as we struggled to climb onto the slippery logs..........death.
Our body is still. It has given up fighting. In exhaustion it had no choice but to finally let go.
In the darkness and silence deep in the river flow we feel peaceful. We are now in the void. We know that we can stay or leave the body.
It is surreal. We disconnect from what we thought was real, to the eternality of who we are as spirit. We now feel warmth, an inner glow, love.
Free from the pain and exhaustion of life as we know it.
We realise that we have a choice. What seems like an eternal moment is probably only a second or two in linear time.
We choose to stay, and find ourselves at the surface of the river. Suddenly we have strength and purpose. There is a path of logs to the edge of the river. Five stable logs and jumps and we arrive on the muddy bank. As we clamber up the river bank we crawl to a grassy patch where the sun is shining. We collapse on the grass and look up to the sky. We realise we are in a grassy cut out surrounded by a circle of trees. It seems like heaven created this sacred circle just for us.
As we stare up to the sky we feel gratitude for the realisation that we made it alive, and are now safe.
Regaining our breath and soaking up the sun we are able to feel the earth underneath our body. She sends us comfort and warmth, almost like she knows us. A gust of wind rushes across our face, and we can't quite hear its message, but know it said something to us, deep within we feel the wind spoke to us.........
What starts as a small chirp becomes a melodic sound from deep within the grass over to our left. Frogs are singing. Suddenly the forest comes alive around the grassy circle. The insects are busy in the grass; the bees are visiting flower after flower. There is a loud cackle of birds as they swiftly fly out of the forest into the clearing above. From a group of five, comes another five to join them as the swoop, circle and cackle.
What feels at first at our own expense, we realise that yes they are laughing at us. From feeling a bit hurt we find the courage to laugh. And realise that the birds are laughing at us. The bees buzz past and take a quick look, only to mind their own business. The frogs seem to be singing too...
As we sit up right with our hands on our knees, covered in mud we realise that we have fully surrendered to the moment. We simply are.
For the first time in what seems an eternity we realise that we simply are who we are and all concept of linear time vanishes. Sitting in a circle of what seems endless forest on all sides there is no track or path. There seems to be no destination. We chuckle to our Self as we can see the comedy in our own struggle of striving for what we thought was right.
What we thought we knew and wanted is no more. It is finished.
A surge of energy runs up our spine and with it we yell out in relief, with tears of joy and sadness all at once in the knowingness that
we are already it
we already have it
'it' is already within us
Our heart feels full of love. There is no destination to arrive at, there is no race to get to the finishing post first, and there is no 'right or wrong' path or way.
Suddenly we can't stop laughing. Uncontrollable laughter fills every cell in our body; we are belly laughing so hard we feel we will wet our pants!
At least no one is looking so we do no care if we do, as they are already covered in mud and sludge.
There are no airs and graces, we do not have to look a certain way, or be a certain person for anyone, as we are totally free to simply be who we truly are.
We cry out in celebration to see the irony and paradoxes of life as we were lost in it. We wake up to the illusion and realise that God does not judge us; it is only man who judges............
We never die, we choose our story, our game and we are responsible (all of our personality selves) for our own story.
There is a total feeling of Oneness, no beginning, no end, and no separation. We realise we are One, part of the very fabric of life and the Universe. We feel abundant, and know that we are part of All that Is, and that this is our True Self, who we really are. There is no pain, no anger, no hurt, no judgment, no apprehension, no fear, no anguish, no hatred, no comparison, no competition, only a sense of knowingness, divine love and comfort in knowing that we never die, we are eternal Beings, playing a game.
One of many games we have played, and have chosen to play.
We realise that our physical body, with its thoughts, its pain, its ideas, and its mind is a 'chess piece' on the chess board of third dimensionality - the physical world. And the other chess pieces in the game are all there for our 'personality self' as the 'chess piece' to learn from. The chess piece had simply forgotten who it really was, lost on the game board of life, and lost in the labyrinth of the games of the mind.
It was sleep walking through life.
As we sit in the sun, smiling up at the sky, connecting with our true God Self we chuckle at the very knowing that we are the player, moving the chess piece around the board, we are the director of our own movie, we feel love and compassion for the chess piece, and other players in the game, that were created for us to experience life in a world of duality. The game of duality: good/bad, right/wrong, pain/pleasure, better than/less than, more special than/less special than, loss/gain, lack of/abundance of and everything in between.
We find ourselves in a state of Wholeness, Oneness, our divine Soul Self, as part of All that Is. Beyond the illusion of the five physical senses we realise that the 'game board' is created in each moment in a larger matrix of life on Earth 2006. We realise that the players and their movements on the chess board come into very being based on our own consciousness, mind and evolution. We know that we have free will. The choice to choose what we think and feel. The freedom of choice to co-create with All that is. We become more conscious of the games of our own personality self and mind, and how they worked, or have not worked for us. We realise we create it all. The observer, and the observed are one and the same. The mirror - projection principle.
We realise that people and events that came into our life were simply projections of our own unconscious mind, mirroring back to us aspects of us that we had no idea we had, or our own 'disowned' selves.
We realise that people, lost in their own distortions project on to us, their own unconscious traits that they have disowned. We realise the spiritual lessons to be learned, however painful they are, or were.
We realise that people express what we have repressed, or mirror back to us behaviour that forces us to make choices: run and hide, or wake up to what our reality is 'telling us' about our Self.
The Game is always about learning about our Self, and awakening to those parts of our self (all the beliefs, personality traits, attitudes etc) that we have not loved and understood yet. To love and integrate all of 'our selves' to wholeness and unconditional love, and recognise the journey and lessons along the way. All of life, and all events and people are purely there for us to remember who we really are - Love. Anything less than unconditional divine love and Oneness is an illusion of the five senses and the mind.
Our mind believes it is all there is. It rationally sees itself as a physical being, the tangible world and accepts that that is all there is. It is lost in the 1% world, as the Ancient Kabbalah text says, ignoring the 99% world.
The Maya illusion. Man is asleep, the wise sages said, and as Christ said on the cross on passing "please forgive them father, for they know not what they do.."
The evolution of the consciousness of man is one of becoming One again.
At the core of every religious text and philosophy, theology that has ever been written they all agree (as the wise one's know) that we are All One. We are all part of same 'stuff'. We are all aspects of each other.
As we get lost in the illusion, like the 'game boy' as a character in the game, we forget who we are and what the 'game is about'.
We go searching in the game, to different corners of the globe, visiting different gurus, healers, teachers, reading endless texts, books, exploring all religions, philosophies; we engage in dialogue and debate as to what the answer is to our problems; we ask questions like
Who are we?
Why are we here?
What are we here to do or be?
What is life really all about?
What is the point of it all?
What happens when we die?
We ask our selves - am I a good person? What does it mean to be good? Am I good enough? Have I got enough? Do I have approval? Am I worthy of love, money, happiness a loving relationship? Is it possible?
Why do I keep on getting the same reality feedback i.e. the same type of job, the same type of girlfriend, or boyfriend; why do I always feel like the one who has to do the work, or feels like a burden on others, or feels lonely, or lost, or misunderstood; why is a part of me sad or angry? Why is a part of me frustrated and I do not even know why? Why is a part of me restless or tired all the time? Why do I feel so separate, even after making love? Why do I feel exhausted in the search for answers? Why do I feel bored with what I have, even though it is all ok? When can I stop and accept that I have enough, or am good enough?
Our minds ask endless questions. Questions are wonderful trigger points for us. The moment we ask a question it means we are in the process of remembering who we really are. Every question we ask, we already have the answer to deep inside, at Soul level. The universe goes into setting up the reality for you to 'find your answer' to your question, via a book, a teacher, a conversation or an epiphany.
More and more people are asking the deeper questions about life. They are daring to step out of the consensus reality and question their lives, their feelings, their jobs, the very fabric of western society.
After lying dormant in apathy, the masses are stirring at their core. There is a restlessness slowly rising to the surface to be acknowledged.
People are starting to show courage and say how they feel, or dare question politics, or policies, their jobs, their loyalty to family or work, people are stirring from their sleep. If we dare to ask the question we will always receive the answer. But the answer is not always what our ego wants to hear.
As we sit in the circle surrounded by the forest we come to a choice point. We begin to realise that we in fact make our own choices, and every decision we make is reflective of our own free will. We do have the freedom to choose. Even though many people feel that their hands 'are tied' and they do not have the freedom to make choices.
I dare them to question this very notion.
If our hands our 'tied' who has tied them?
Who is responsible?
This is where we get lost in the mud of misguided with confused obligations and responsibilities.
Often the ego gets confused based on misguided loyalties.
We become 'loyal' to what we feel obligated to doing, or not doing.
A good question to ask our Self is Why am I doing this? Why am I going to help this person, or be nice to this person?
Is it out of guilt or obligation to them in some way?
Or is it out of the joy or real desire to help, with no want for anything in return.
Many relationships are based on misguided guilt and 'obligation'.
"I had better do such and such otherwise I will be in the dog house..........."
"If I do such an such I will get such and such. If I am nice, then they will be nice back."
Bargaining.
You give to get.
The ego gives to get something in return. The Soul simply Loves.
This concept is difficult for the mind to grasp as it cannot see above itself. It will try to get this and justify what it does or does not do based on its own beliefs. If you find your self going into a state of having to 'justify' something to your self or others then it is your mind talking.
The paradox here is, the more you focus on your partner or another person's good points, and see the good in them and what you loved about them when you met them; the more they will love you. The more you love them and let go of changing them, the more they will let you love them and not resist you.
When a person feels judged - either by others or them self, they will not receive love.
The ego wants Love, but in the very process of being lost in 'right and wrong', 'good/bad', 'nice person/bad person' it denies love. It does not know how to receive, and it only knows how to give in order to get back something.
There is a small seed (Soul spark) within every human's heart that is starting to 'spark up', nudge us all to ask questions. Whether we are conscious of it or not it is there. It is the Soul nudging our ego selves to 'wake up', and find the true source of what you desire.
The rate at which this is happening is unprecedented. The rate of change is speeding up. The conscious evolution of man is evolving faster than at any time in history.
It took the world over 300 years to accept that the Earth moved around the Sun, not the Sun around the Earth, hence Capornicus was put to death for his knowledge. The change in thinking and the acceptance of new paradigms on Earth has always taken time as there have only been a few 'in the know', and the masses left in dense consciousness, disconnected from the Truth. When we look into the eyes of our children, we see innocence, we see their Soul, they have a beautiful childlike play and freedom that we marvel at. As adults we have fallen into the confines of society, what to do, not what to do, what to say, what job to have or not have and many of us are finally crying out for freedom. Freedom from the constraints we have placed on our selves, or others, free from the 'boxes' and identity we thought we were, free from opinions of others, free from a sense of slavery to our jobs or our partners. We are all stirring in our sleep and waking state. For most they do not know what it is, but some small change within them, like a door that has been closed shut with bolts on it for eons of time has finally opened a crack, and there is a small filament of Light shining, calling us to ask questions.
Other people may feel more angry than normal, or certainly more 'ups and downs' and larger swings in mood, and have no idea why they are feeling so. Or resentment or guilt or helplessness. There is something stirring deep within, a whisper for their Soul. As the Soul's nudge is being heard, felt and received by many, the ego's games hold on even tighter. This is reflected at all levels, from the personal to the Political landscape. As the human consciousness is awakening in the Year 2006 we find our civil liberties at stake, we find our governments ignoring their people, their leading professors and scientists, their senior military advisors, almost out of absolute madness or delusion they continue their games, as though they think that the masses are too asleep or stupid to see what is really going on. The ego is in complete denial.
When an ego is in complete denial it will do anything, no matter how disastrous, how horrific, how delusional to the point where it simply has to 'be right'. This is when the negative ego believes in its own delusions of grandeur. Only now it is being found out. It is being found out because the many are waking up, and exposing the game.
In our relationships they will only survive if both parties are willing to 'face themselves' and 'their own stuff' and with love and support from both parties heal it and transform it. If both parties in a relationship want to heal their ego's games and get to a loving state, the relationship can be incredible, like nothing ever before experience. Other relationships will have 'served their time' for both parties, and they will end. There is much being shaken up.
All we can do, is keep 'surrendering' to the change and stay focused on the most positive outcome we desire for our Self and others, which is not based on control, manipulation or denial, but unconditional love. The sooner the ego surrenders, even to this notion, the more easy life becomes. When the ego 'holds on', is in denial, or keeps playing its games its reality will be shaken up even more. The Universe mirrors back the extent of the ego's games. So as people decide to drop the games, and live from integrity and truth their reality will change, their friends may change and they will find that any person, job or habit that no longer serves their own evolution will fall away.
So, change is inevitable. Best to ride the wave of change, even if you have no idea what tomorrow will bring, rather than resist it.
What we resist persists.
What we suppress within our selves will be expressed in our children, our partner and those around us, to mirror back to us what we have not yet dealt with within our psyche.
A friend of mine's three year old son has been very angry lately, and quite violent. He actually threw their new puppy dog across the room. To the surprise of both parents. Yet both parents, trying to cope, yet not facing their own stuff and feelings are only witnessing the outburst of anger in their son, which is an expression of their own suppressed emotions.
So - how do we navigate through any chaos faster? We ask the question: Higher Self, please reveal to me that part of me which I am unconscious of; or please reveal to me what I need to be made aware of here; please help me solve this within my self so that my reality can then mirror back to me a more harmonious experience.....
Listen to your heart's intuition. We will be drawn to the right books, the right people and teachers, the right conversations with people that will trigger off something within us to give us the answer, an 'ah ha' about what is really playing out. Help us see the bigger game, within the small immediate chaos.
Enjoy the ride!
Much love
Fi Taylor
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